Monday, May 9, 2011

A year ago tomorrow

Caden today has been a hard day for Mommy, as I sit here and think of a year has passed since we found out you had a brain tumor. That was a very hard thing to hear, "Your son has a brain tumor" from 3 different doctors. I am so thankful Mimi Kathy was with me at PCH since Daddy couldnt be there because he was in Globe for work. Mimi Kathy had to call him on the phone and daddy had to drive home thinking of what was going to happen. We miss you like crazy and wish you were here, but are so grateful you arent hurting anymore. We love you sweet baby boy. Mommy

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thinking of you

Dear Caden,

Mommy is having a rough morning and I wish you were here to celebrate Easter with us. I layed on the couch thinking if you were here what you would look like in your new Easter outfit. Caden I miss you and love you more then I can say. As a mother you never think you are going to be the one to lose a child. When it does happen, geez does it hurt. I think often of the times we had together and the month you were in the hospital sick. You had your medicine so you were pretty happy. I cherish those times we had together. We walked hours and hours around the 2 nurses stations and they all thought you were so cute. I wish I had that time with you again. I am trying to stay positive, but it is hard. So many people tell me how strong I am and I just dont feel it. Last Sunday the ward choir got up to sing, "My Saviors Love" and I had to walk out because I knew I would start crying. I went to the bathroom and lost it. Since we have lost you I have been struggling with my testimony but I am working on it. I am trying to have faith.I am so grateful for my friends and family that I have that are willing to listen to me talk about you. I cant imagine not having them. Mommy loves you and help me to be strong. Love Mommy

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Caden's Birthday

I was thinking of our son Caden the other day on what would have been his First Birthday, I know I don't say much about this usually, but I felt like saying something for my son. I can't describe how painful these past months have been for me and most especially my small family, I really have nothing to compare it to. I still miss him every day, despite knowing I will see him again. I wanted to openly thank those who have helped us and brought us comfort throughout these trying times, and even recently around his birthday, despite it being difficult or out of their comfort zone. I truly understand that it isn't easy, for friends or even family sometimes to reach out in times of great need to those in agony or anguish, but that makes it all the more incredible and remarkable when it does happen. You'll never know how much it meant to us, I never knew there were such incredible people who possessed such genuine courage and caring, you know who you are. It may have been a small gesture sometimes, but it reached depths which kept us moving forward and helped us to come together instead of drawing apart. Our good and bad experiences mold and refine us, for what purpose sometimes we know not. I know I will never be the person I was before, I hope I learn from these precious examples and from Caden's life to remake myself into the father and husband my son can truly be proud of. Happy Birthday Caden, I love you son.