Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thinking of you

Dear Caden,

Mommy is having a rough morning and I wish you were here to celebrate Easter with us. I layed on the couch thinking if you were here what you would look like in your new Easter outfit. Caden I miss you and love you more then I can say. As a mother you never think you are going to be the one to lose a child. When it does happen, geez does it hurt. I think often of the times we had together and the month you were in the hospital sick. You had your medicine so you were pretty happy. I cherish those times we had together. We walked hours and hours around the 2 nurses stations and they all thought you were so cute. I wish I had that time with you again. I am trying to stay positive, but it is hard. So many people tell me how strong I am and I just dont feel it. Last Sunday the ward choir got up to sing, "My Saviors Love" and I had to walk out because I knew I would start crying. I went to the bathroom and lost it. Since we have lost you I have been struggling with my testimony but I am working on it. I am trying to have faith.I am so grateful for my friends and family that I have that are willing to listen to me talk about you. I cant imagine not having them. Mommy loves you and help me to be strong. Love Mommy