Sunday, October 31, 2010

Holidays

As I sit here tonight on Halloween thinking about Carlee and Caden it brings tears to my eyes just thinking of Caden and what will the holidays bring. I sit here tonight thinking I wonder what we would of dressed Caden up as.

I went Christmas shopping on Friday by myself, and was shopping for Carlee and Caden. We are going to donate Cadens Toys to Phoenix Children's Hospital in February for his birthday. I went to the section in Target for 6-12month olds and I almost burst into tears thinking that I dont have Caden here with me. I had to think of my friend Kursty's little boy. He is 2 weeks younger then Caden and wondered what would he like for Christmas. I had to imagine him being Caden and thought, okay well at this age he would like this. I can see now why people say the holidays are hard after losing a loved one.

4 comments:

  1. I think that is so brave of you to shop for Caden (I'm not sure I would have the strength to do that), and so awesome of you to donate toys on his behalf! I think of you just about every day.

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  2. I dont mind if you borrow my little Ronan, I know it helps me to use my friends little boy as a age appropriate model when i do my shopping for my Easton. Hang in there! I am glad you keep the blog updated!

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  3. Jessica it was so nice to see you at Heidi's party. I think donating toys to the hospital is an awesome idea. I hope that this Christmas you can draw strength from remembering Mary and how she must have felt knowing what her baby would endure. Hang in there and know that so many prayers are with you.

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  4. There is still a hard part of going to Target for me, even with two little ones on earth. I constantly think about the cute clothes I would also be buying for our little princess and prince. And I am 3 and 4 years out from saying goodbye. I think we would not be a mom if we did not feel that way. BTW, I found your blog from another mom in the birth group on baby center. I too am grateful that my children do not suffer. Does not mean I miss them any less, even knowing they are perfect and too pure for this world. I know I will raise them someday, it just is going to take a lot of work on my part to be able to be worthy to be their mom.

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